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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23808667">A Girl Like You (working title, may change)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdtight85/pseuds/holdtight85'>holdtight85</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>My Mad Fat Diary</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, F/M, Femslash, Forget Series 03 happened., Help, I have no idea what I'm doing., Post-Season/Series 02, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:21:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,636</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23808667</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/holdtight85/pseuds/holdtight85</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place right after Series 2 and pretends Series 3 doesn't exist. </p><p>Rae has just remembered that kiss she shared with Chloe and her brain won't let her stop obsessing over it.   Is she feeling something for Chloe? Does Chloe have feelings for her?   And what about Finn?      What's a mad, fat girl to do?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Izzy/Chop Peters, Rae Earl/Chloe Gemmel, Rae Earl/Finn Nelson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I am so late to this party, but I watched this incredible series on Hulu in like three days and this story has been nagging at me since.  It takes place after the end of Series 2 and then sort of splits off into it's own alternate timeline, ignoring Series 3 completely.  It's a story about a burgeoning love between two young women, so if that's not your cup of tea, read no further.  Don't get me wrong, I love Finn and Rae together.  Love it.  So happy for them pre-Series 3, but the love that Chloe and Rae have for one another is just as strong.  I'm taking a lot of liberties in interpreting just how strong the love is, I know, but eh, what are you gonna do?   </p><p>Just a few notes.  Anything that is italicized is meant to represent the past.   Anything in bold italics is meant to represent thoughts or diary entries.  Anything that isn't either is happening in the present. I'm sorry if that's confusing.    </p><p>All mistakes are my own.   I own nothing so please don't sue me.   </p><p>...also I'm not British.  Do I get points for trying to keep Rae's thoughts in her own accent?   Let me know how I did.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>
    <span class="u">Chapter 1</span>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Sunday, 15<sup>th</sup> of December 1996</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Dear Diary,</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>It has been a while since I last wrote in you.  Quite a bit has happened since my last entry.</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Baby Bouchtat finally came home!  Mum and Karim named her Jasmine, like the character from Aladdin. She is the absolute cutest little baby ever, but can she scream like a banshee!  Sounds like a bloody air raid siren. Mum got maternity leave so she doesn’t have to worry about working right now.  Karim even got leave from one of his two jobs, so he only has to work every other day early in the morning.  I’ve been trying to help out when Mum is tired and Karim is working but having the baby up at all hours means we are all up at all hours, so we’re all pretty cranky. </em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Rae! I need you to go down the market and get more nappies!” Linda called from her bedroom over the sound of Jasmine screaming. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Bloody hell Mum!” Rae shouted back from beneath the pillows she piled above her head.  “I just bought a box two days ago!” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“We’ve gone through those!” Linda shouted back.  “And don’t use that language!” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Rae rolled her eyes and sat up from the bed.  Jasmine’s cries had reached a pinnacle in sound that made Rae’s forehead pulse with pain.  “RAE!” Linda called again.  “IF YOU DON’T GET THE NAPPIES SOON I AM GOING TO START USING YOUR BELOVED BAND T-SHIRTS.”    </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Rae stalked toward her old bedroom to find Linda wrapping a towel around Jasmine’s bottom. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“How is it possible that she’s run through 20 nappies in two days?  She’s only drinking formula not eating a full English breakfast!”  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yes, well, babies eat a lot and they poo a lot,” Linda answered, picking Jasmine up and rocking her gently, easing her cries.  “They don’t have the capacity for much else at this point. We are going to go through a lot of nappies.” Linda ran a soothing hand down Jasmine’s back.  “We want to stay clean and fresh, don’t we Kitten?”  <strong>Figures she’d call her cuter daughter ‘Kitten’ while I get stuck as ugly ‘Chicken.’  </strong></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Clean and fresh, right,” Rae answered, walking to Linda’s purse and taking money out.  “The next time you yell at me for using too many tampons, remember this conversation.”    She didn’t wait for Linda to yell a response.  Since the ‘six vaginas’ argument, Rae had gotten a lecture on proper tampon usage EVERY SODDING MONTH. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Chloe was on lockdown after I took her back home.  Her parents were cross with her, but I think they were mostly scared that she would run off again.  Chloe broke down even before we got to the door and I practically had to drag her inside.  Her parents were proper grateful to have her back, and her mum was the nicest she’s been to me in ages.  Hopefully she’ll be a little nicer to Chloe now too. </em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Chloe is so far only allowed out for college and to my house to revise, though we have snuck down to the pub more than once.  </em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>“<em>They were thinking about getting me one of those mobile phones,” Chloe said after a sip of her pint, and Rae’s eyes widened, “but they cost too much.  Now they’ve settled on an old pager that my Dad used to use for his job.” Chloe dug into her purse and pulled out a short, black, beeper and handed it to Rae.  “I’ve been instructed to call them within 5 minutes of it going off to let them know where I am, who I’m with, and what I’m doing.” Chloe rolled her eyes. </em></p>
<p>
  <em>Rae studied the pager with wonder.  It didn’t look like there was much to it.  It was square-ish, basic black plastic with a thin screen at the top, two buttons on one side, one button on the other, and a belt clip. “So this thing will beep, and what comes up?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Just our phone number.” Chloe answered, rolling her eyes for the second time.  “I feel like I’m under house arrest.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Or,” Rae countered, “You could pretend that you were a doctor, like on ‘Cardiac Arrest.’”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Chloe laughed softly.  “Yeah I guess.”  Suddenly, as if on cue, the pager let out a shrill beeping noise, lighting up and vibrating.  It happened so suddenly that Rae almost dropped it and Chloe almost spilled her drink. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Rae volleyed the pager to Chloe, who pressed all of the buttons there were in an effort to quite the noise. People had started to stare. “Paging Dr. Chloe. Dr. Chloe you’re needed in trauma, room one.” Rae joked and Chloe laughed out loud as she finally got the thing to stop screaming.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>It was nice to make her laugh, Diary.  I hadn’t heard Chloe laugh as loud as that in a long time.</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’ll be right back.” Chloe said, winking at Rae as she stood and made her way to the public telephone. Rae smiled softly at her and watched her go, taking a sip of her own pint.  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>I am trying my best to be a better friend to Chloe.  She is doing the same.  Since I’m really the only person her parents are allowing her to see, we’ve spent a lot more time together, just us.  I suggested having the gang come round my house, but Chloe won’t hear of it.  She uses not wanting to stress out Mum or baby Jazz as an excuse, but I feel like she doesn’t want to face them and their questions about the whole Ian situation. </em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>I like when it’s just me and Chloe.  Feels like it used to feel before I went mad. </em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>“She really is beautiful, Rae,” Chloe whispered as they looked down at a sleeping baby Jasmine. </p>
<p>“Yeah, especially when she’s quiet,” Rae whispered back, and she and Chloe shared a mostly silent giggle.   They were meant to be studying but Linda and Karim had gone out shopping.  Rae was fine babysitting but Jasmine being asleep meant having to be as quiet as humanly possible for as long as she slept.</p>
<p>They walked downstairs to the kitchen to gather revision-appropriate sustenance (i.e. crisps and soda) when someone knocked on the door.  Chloe sent a puzzled look Rae’s way and Rae shrugged.  They both walked toward the door, Chloe behind Rae, and Rae opened the door, revealing a beaming Finn.  </p>
<p>“Hi,” Finn greeted before placing a sweet peck on Rae’s lips.  “Are ya busy?”</p>
<p>“Uh,” Rae looked from Finn to Chloe only to find her walking back into the kitchen.  “No, just babysitting.” She put a finger to her lips and stepped back to let him in.  Finn nodded in understanding and moved past Rae into the kitchen where Chloe was gathering her belongings. </p>
<p>“Hiya Chloe, all right?” Finn greeted, shrugging his jacket off and hanging it over the back of one of the kitchen chairs. </p>
<p>“Hi.” Chloe greeted softly, pulling her coat on.  “I was just on my way out.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure?  It’s still early.” Rae said, knowing full well that Chloe didn’t want to go home yet. </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>I think Chloe believes that if she and Finn aren’t in the same room together, then she won’t have to worry about me getting jealous that she’s in love with him.  </em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>“I’m sure, really.  I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”   </p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>I have promised up and down that I wouldn’t be, but it doesn’t seem like she believes me.  </em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>As previously written, Finn came back from Leeds and we finally had sex.  It was nice.  Finn was very gentle and made me feel beautiful. </em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Finn kissed Rae gently as he rolled off of her.  He snuggled in beside her and propped his head up on his elbow.  “How was that?” He whispered, smiling from ear to ear. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Rae smiled back, blushing.  “That was….” She hesitated to find the right words. “…really lovely.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yeah?” Finn answered, pleased.  “Did you…” He indicated with a head nod. “…you know?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yeah.” Rae answered her smile widening as Finn beamed.  “Thank you.” She inwardly cringed.   <strong>Thank you? Bloody thank you?  What is wrong with you?</strong></em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Finn laughed.  “You’re welcome I guess.”  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Rae blushed and looked away, beating herself up mentally.  Finn put a finger beneath her chin and returned her gaze to him.  He kissed her softly and then said, “You really DO say the weirdest stuff sometimes.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Oh shut up.” Rae laughed, smacking him on the arm and pushing him away.  He retaliated by throwing himself back on top of her, making her squeal and laugh more. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>While it was better than it was with Liam, Diary, I couldn’t help but feel that something had changed.  Maybe it was me that had, but…I dunno.  I thought I would have felt better about everything, but I don’t. Now that we’ve done it once it seems like every time he and I are alone that’s all he wants to do.   BELIEVE ME, I am not complaining…but Finn and I still have a lot to talk about.  Maybe that’s what feels off.  I’m not sure.  </em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>Finn waved goodbye to Chloe who only nodded and quietly let herself out.   “Is she okay?” Finn asked Rae.</p>
<p>“I think she’s getting better,” Rae answered, still staring at the door that Chloe had left through.  She made a mental note to call Chloe later that night to make sure she was okay. </p>
<p>“Haven’t seen her much.” Finn said and Rae nodded.</p>
<p>“I think her parents have her gated until the new millennium, so she can’t really hang out.”</p>
<p>Finn looked puzzled.  “If that’s the case why was she here?”</p>
<p>Rae felt a spike of a defensiveness pierce through her but quickly swallowed it down.  “Revision.”</p>
<p>Finn nodded but said nothing more.  Instead he smiled moved closer to kiss his girlfriend, who smiled and welcomed it.  Rae propped her hands against her kitchen counter and leaned back as Finn closed the space between them, positioning himself between Rae’s legs as he deepened the kiss to a full-on snog. </p>
<p>“Finn-“Rae exhaled between kisses.  Finn only kept going.  “Finn—“more kissing.  “The baby.”</p>
<p>“What?” Finn said, moving his kisses down the side of Rae’s cheek toward that oh…so…sensitive spot on her neck.  <strong><em>Oh fuck.</em></strong></p>
<p>“Finn my baby sister.” Rae choked out, her vision blurring as sparks shot up and down her spine.  “I’m meant to be watching her.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure she’s fine.” He got out in one breath before moving back to that spot…<strong><em>Dear God</em></strong><em>…</em>on her neck that turned her knees to jelly.</p>
<p>“M-Mum and Karim could be back at any moment.” She could feel him beginning to harden against her pelvis. </p>
<p>
  <em>“You know what you’re doing to me, don’t you?” Saul hissed in her ear. “Look how hard I am for you.” </em>
</p>
<p> “Stop.”  That appeared to be the magic word as Finn ceased his ministrations and pulled back.</p>
<p>“Sorry.” He said sheepishly, taking a step back to give her some space. His face was flushed, and Rae was sure her face was no better.  “It’s just, you’re so sexy.”  Rae looked down and smiled, suddenly feeling very shy. Finn took notice and grabbed a hold of her hand, squeezing it softly.  “It’s true.”</p>
<p>Rae took the compliment but said nothing.  <strong><em>Now would be a perfect time to talk.</em></strong> “Can we maybe—“</p>
<p>Suddenly the door slammed open and Linda came in with shopping bags covering both arms, Karim trailing behind her with a veritable mega-stack of baby diapers.   Finn jumped back from Rae like she had burned him and immediately pulled his shirt down as far over his groin as it would go.  “Hello dears!” Linda’s voice boomed throughout the previously silent house.  “Care to help us with the shopping?”</p>
<p>“S-sure.” Finn answered, eager to get out of Linda’s line of sight.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Finn,” Linda called to his quickly retreating form.</p>
<p>“Mum don’t yell!” Rae whisper-screamed.  “The baby is—“</p>
<p>Suddenly a high-pitch wail filled the house.    “Sleeping.” Rae finished at normal volume.</p>
<p>“Coming, Kitten!” Linda yelled up toward Jasmine, dumping the bags that she had loaded on each arm onto the kitchen table.</p>
<p>Rae watched Linda haul ass up the steps.  Karim held out the stack of pampers to Rae and made his way back outside to help Finn.  Rae stood there with the pile of boxes that towered to just over her head, closing her eyes to count to ten as Jasmine’s wail hit an all-time-high. <strong><em>Perfect.</em></strong></p>
<p>Finn left not long after Linda and Karim came home.  He had a night shift at his new job and a house with a new screaming baby was not a place he seemed very comfortable being at for too long.  Rae and Karim packed the groceries away while Linda fed and changed Jasmine.  When the house was finally quiet again Rae made her way to bedroom and dialed Chloe’s number.</p>
<p>Chloe answered on the third ring. “Hello?”</p>
<p>“Hey it’s me.”</p>
<p>“Heya Rae, what’s up?”</p>
<p>“Nothing, just calling to see if you were okay.”</p>
<p>There was moment of silence before Chloe spoke up.  “Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”</p>
<p>“Dunno.” Rae answered, flopping down on her bed.  “You left in such a hurry.”</p>
<p>More silence.  Then, “Well, Finn came round and I figured you wouldn’t want me there being third wheel or something.” <strong><em>Is that jealousy I hear in your voice?  No, NO.  Rae.  This is not a competition.  Stop that. She’s not jealous and she’s trying to be fair to you.  STOP THINKING MEAN THOUGHTS.</em></strong></p>
<p>“You wouldn’t have been a third wheel.  How many times had we hung out together before?”</p>
<p>Rae heard Chloe sigh on the other end of the line.  “But it’s different now.”</p>
<p>“How so?”</p>
<p>“Dunno…just is.” Chloe answered honestly.  “I mean, I am not going to go after Finn—“</p>
<p>“I know that—“</p>
<p>“—I’m just trying to be respectful.” </p>
<p><strong><em>See how shit you are for thinking she was jealous? </em></strong> </p>
<p>“And that’s why I love you.” Rae said, her voice soft and apologetic. She heard Chloe’s breath hitch. “You okay?”</p>
<p>“Hmm, what? Yeah, yeah.” Chloe answered all too quickly.  “Uh, listen, my mum’s calling me so I better go.”</p>
<p>“Okay, see you tomorrow.” Rae said, feeling mad at herself for her unstoppable negative thoughts.</p>
<p>“Yeah, bye.”</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>Tomorrow you’re going to talk to Chloe and then Tuesday you’ll talk to Finn.   It will all be sorted then</em>
  </strong>
  <em>. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Figured I'd post a second chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 2</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Monday 16<sup>th</sup> of December 1996.</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Dear Diary,</em> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Ugh. I cannot stand Vicky.  She will NOT stop taking the piss out of Chloe every time she sees her, which is basically every day.  I know I am on final, FINAL warning at college but it may be worth it to see if I can smash her bleach-blonde, pizza-faced, knob-head through one of the lockers by the front door.  </em> </strong>
</p><p>Rae and Chloe entered college through the front doors and were immediately faced with Vicky, Amy and Stacy.  Vicky lead the charge for some reason, while Amy and Stacy flagged her on either side.  “Well, well, if it isn’t the Slag and Mental Defect.  How are we doing this morning ladies?”</p><p>“Oi, Vicky, give it a rest, yeah?” Rae whined.  “It’s getting tired now.”</p><p>“Funny, that’s what all the lads have been saying to Chloe—“</p><p>
  <strong> <em>I hadn’t even realized I had moved until Vicky was backing quickly up toward the lockers. </em> </strong>
</p><p>“Enough,” Rae hissed.  “What did I tell you before, aye?  Take the piss out of me all you want, but not her.  Never. Her.”   Vicky looked terrified, and Stacy and Amy seemed too shocked to move.  Rae knew that shock wasn’t going last on Amy for that long, especially when a small crowd started to form.   <strong><em>Don’t spin out.  Keep control, keep control</em></strong>. Rae closed her eyes and took a deep breath.</p><p>“You better fuck off before I lay you out,” Amy warned Rae, grabbing her arm and spinning her so they faced one another.</p><p>Rae looked from Vicky, who was trying to look hard but was visibly gulping, to Amy who looked like a tiger ready to pounce.  She could hear the whispers growing, could feel eyes staring.  <strong><em>It’s all right.  It’s all right.  Just keep breathing.</em></strong> With one hard look, Rae turned and broke through the crowd. Chloe was nowhere to be found.   “Shit.” Rae sighed, looking around once more before heading off to class.</p><p>It took until lunch break for Rae to have the time to look for Chloe. It was an unseasonably warm day for December in Stamford, so the whole college was taking advantage of it.  The campus was packed with people.  There were a pack of guys playing football in one corner of the field, and others were sprawled out enjoying their lunch outdoors.  It was there Rae found Chloe, who was sitting on a bench by the far end of the campus, her nose in “A Midsommer Night’s Dream.”   Rae approached with hesitation, fearful that she had made Chloe mad or embarrassed her.  “Hey. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”</p><p>Chloe looked up at Rae. “Sorry. I…” Chloe seemed to struggle to find the right words.  “I’m sorry I left.”  She closed the book and stuffed it into her purse.  “I just couldn’t handle it.”</p><p>Rae sat down next to Chloe.  “I get that.  I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.”</p><p>Chloe was quick to quell that fear.  “You didn’t.” She shot a soft smile in Rae’s direction.  “I actually got scared for Vicky for a minute.  I thought you were gonna throttle her.”</p><p>Rae squinted as the sun bore down on them. She clocked Vicky, Stacy, Amy and Lois congregating in their usual spot on the field.  “I thought about it,” Rae answered, turning to look at Chloe. </p><p>“Vicky looked well frightened when you walked up to her,” Chloe laughed, and Rae couldn’t help the bark of laughter that escaped her lips too.   “But seriously Rae, you can’t do that again.”</p><p>Rae nodded, looking down.</p><p>“You’re on Final, Final, FINAL warning.  I don’t want them to kick you out because Vicky called me a slut and you put her head through the wall.”</p><p>“I hadn’t meant to do it,” Rae admitted, embarrassed. “Before I even knew what I was doing I…” It embarrassed Rae further when she realized how true her words were.  She hadn’t realized she was moving until Vicky’s back hit the lockers with a bang.  “I won’t do it again.”</p><p>Chloe nodded and then stole her own glance at the crappy quartet.  “Hopefully that puts them off us for a bit, yeah?”</p><p>“Hope so.”  Rae leaned her head back and soaked in the sunshine of the unseasonably warm December day. It felt nice.</p><p>“That was proper noble though,” Chloe said, bumping shoulders with the taller girl.  “And you said you weren’t hard.”</p><p>“I’m not,” Rae said, half-seriously.  “When Amy grabbed me, I almost shit myself.”</p><p>Chloe laughed out loud again and leaned against Rae, looping their arms together so that she could lean her head on Rae’s shoulder.  “Yeah well, you’re still braver than I am.”</p><p>“Uh, not true.” Rae argued.  “Remember when Amy was going to beat me up for seeing Liam and you came running up?  She slapped and shoved you.  You’re so much braver than I am.”</p><p>Chloe hummed and leaned her head back to catch the sunshine like Rae. “You never did tell me where you and Liam were always sneaking off to.”</p><p>Rae inhaled and exhaled slowly, unsure whether she should reveal the truth.  <strong><em>Fuck it, she won’t tell anyone.</em></strong>“Group therapy.”</p><p>Chloe’s head snapped up and looked at Rae, who hadn’t opened her eyes.  “Yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah.  He, uh, never told anyone.  Not even Amy.   And I couldn’t tell her because it wasn’t my place to tell her.” Rae finally cracked one eye open and looked at Chloe.  “Don’t tell anyone I told you.”</p><p>“I won’t.” Chloe said.  “But, Rae, why couldn’t you tell me then?”</p><p>“I just couldn’t.” Rae sat up and turned her head to face Chloe fully. “I thought I was being a solid friend by letting Liam keep his secret but really I was just making it easier for him to hide.  He told me he would be there that Friday to tell Amy and stop the fight.  As you recall, he was not there.”</p><p>Chloe nodded. </p><p>“He’s still pretty messed-up, which is why I don’t really talk to him anymore.” Rae looked down, picking at the hem of her shirt.  “He doesn’t think people can’t change, but I do.  I’m trying to change, to get better.  Some days are easier than others.”</p><p>Chloe gave Rae’s arm a squeeze.  “You are getting better. Liam’s a tosser if he doesn’t believe that.”</p><p>“He just doesn’t want to change.” Rae reasoned.  “But there’s nothing I can do to help him.”</p><p>“Do you still see him at therapy?”</p><p>“I have, yes.” Rae had seen Liam at therapy but did her best to keep their conversations short and civil. Liam once tried to press her further, but she shut him down.</p><p>“Do you…do you think I should…go to therapy?”  </p><p>Rae regarded Chloe for a minute before answering.  She looked vulnerable, almost embarrassed to have asked.  “I can’t tell you what to do Chlo.”  This time she squeezed Chloe’s arm.  “You have to do what you think is best for you.”</p><p>“My mum did suggest it but I dunno.  Seems weird to tell your problems to a stranger.” She immediately realized what she said.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean—“</p><p>“It’s fine.” Rae waved her off.   “It is weird, at first, but then it gets easier.  And then you realize you’re just talking to someone who not only wants to listen but can actually help you find solutions to problems you didn’t think you’d ever be able to fix.”</p><p>“Yeah?” Chloe asked, somewhat hopeful at the prospect.</p><p>Rae nodded.  “Or if they can’t be fixed, they can at least be managed.”</p><p>“Yeah but you know me.  I don’t exactly take advice well.”</p><p>“Neither do I.  Believe me, sometimes I find my therapist so intensely irritating I can’t stand it.  But he’s right most of the time about what I should have done…and what I can do to fix whatever mess I’ve found myself in.”</p><p>Chloe nodded again, soaking in the information.  “Maybe I will go then.”</p><p>“I don’t think it can hurt.” Rae said, giving Chloe’s arm another supportive squeeze.</p><p>Chloe patted Rae’s knee and then pulled away to stand.  “Come on, we’ve got Comparative Literature in ten minutes.”</p><p>Rae nodded and stood up, dusting her pants off and following Chloe toward the college.</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Izzy and Archie met the gals after their Comparative Literature lecture.  Rae couldn’t help but notice how reserved Chloe had become as soon as someone other than Rae herself came around. </p><p>“All right, Rae, Chlo?” Archie greeted, planting a kiss on the cheek of each girl.   Izzy followed with a hug and kiss for each, ever her cheerful self.  <strong><em>Izzy is always so cheerful all the time.  </em></strong>Rae wished she could bottle Izzy’s enthusiasm and use it as a salve on her brain.   </p><p>“Arch and I were gonna meet Chop at the pub later.   Can you come or no?”</p><p>Rae was going to accept when Chloe spoke up.  “I can’t.  My parents are still right pissed about my disappearing act.”</p><p>Both Arch and Izzy seemed sympathetic. “Do you reckon you’ll be allowed out ever again?” Izzy asked only half-seriously.</p><p>Chloe shrugged.</p><p>“What about you, Rae?”</p><p>Rae looked at Chloe who was looking down, her mouth twisted with discomfort.  On the one hand it had been some time since she saw Chop, or Izzy and Archie outside of school.  On the other hand, however, she had resolved to talk to Chloe about her behavior and the whole Finn situation.  The other hand won.  “Not tonight guys, but maybe tomorrow, yeah?”</p><p>Izzy and Archie seemed disappointed but understanding.  Rae could see Chloe trying her best to hide a smile.</p><p>They said their goodbyes and then Chloe drove herself and Rae to Chloe’s house.</p><p>Chloe’s parents were not home, thankfully.  They walked up the stairs to Chloe’s room and Chloe made a beeline for her bed, flopping down on it in exhaustion.</p><p>Rae placed her book bag down by Chloe’s desk and shrugged her jacket off to place on the back of the desk chair.  Chloe turned over and scooted to one side of her bed, patting the place next to her for Rae to lie down.  Rae crawled onto the bed next to her friend and gently sank down, flopping on her back at the last second to make the bed bounce and Chloe laugh.    Rae closed her eyes and felt Chloe sigh beside her.  “Chloe?”</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“Can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Mmm.”</p><p>“Why don’t you want to hang round with the gang?”  Rae felt Chloe tense beside her. </p><p>“It’s not that I don’t want to hang with the group.  I just…” Chloe trailed off. </p><p>“Are you scared they’re gonna ask about Ian?”</p><p>“No” Chloe said quickly, and then huffed out a sigh.  “Yes.”</p><p>Rae rolled over on her side to look at Chloe, who had her arm draped over her eyes.  “You don’t have to tell them anything, you know.”</p><p>Chloe peeked out at her from under her arm. </p><p>“I’m serious.” Rae said.  “It’s not their business.” Rae propped her head against her hand.  “Or, we could do that ketchup-bottle roundtable questionnaire that you had them do with me.”</p><p>Chloe winced and hid her eyes again.  “Sorry about that Rae. I was such a twat for doing that.”</p><p>“Nah, it was a good idea.”  Rae tried to pull Chloe’s arm from her face but she wouldn’t budge.  “It was,” she said around a laugh as she had a mini tug-of-war with Chloe and her arm.    She gave up quickly and flopped back down.  “They’re your best mates, they love you and want to hang with you.”</p><p>“Best mates? Nah. I only got one best mate.” Chloe said. </p><p>“Oh yeah?” Rae asked, quirking her eyebrow.  “Who?”</p><p>“This lovely girl named Rae Earl; do you know her?”</p><p>“Rae Earl? Bit mental that one, no?”  Rae joked and Chloe giggled.</p><p>“Nah, she’s all right.” Chloe finally moved her arm away from her face and turned to snuggle into Rae, throwing an arm across her belly.  “More than.  She’s the best.”</p><p>“Damn right I am.” Rae agreed, making Chloe laugh more.   They settled into a comfortable silence, Rae staring up at the ceiling and Chloe pressed against her, eyes resting shut.</p><p>After a short while, Chloe spoke up.  “Tomorrow I’ll go out with them.  But I am not going to talk about Ian or anything that happened.”</p><p>“Okay good.” Rae said, patting Chloe’s arm.  She turned her head to face Chloe.  “Can I ask just one more little thing and then we can drop it?”</p><p>Chloe groaned but didn’t open her eyes.  “Whaaaaaat.” She drew out the word with a whine.</p><p>“Don’t get angry at me for asking.” Rae started, and Chloe groaned again.  “But if Finn shows up tomorrow…are you going to leave?” Before Chloe could answer Rae quickly said, “Because I really don’t want you to.”</p><p>Chloe huffed and opened her eyes to glare at Rae.</p><p>“I’m not worried about you and Finn being in the same room, you know.  You were mates before I showed up, and you are still mates now.”   Rae met Chloe’s glare with a soft gaze.  “Alls I’m saying, yeah, is that if you’re avoiding him because you think it’s disrespectful to me, you don’t have to.”</p><p>Chloe broke away from Rae and sat up.  “It’s not that.”</p><p>Rae sat up as well.  “Are…” She hesitated to ask.  “…are you upset by me and him being together?”</p><p>Chloe shook her head.  “No, no.”  She leaned into Rae. After a minute she added, “I’m just trying to sort myself out.”</p><p>“Yeah?”  Rae didn’t want to pry, especially since it seemed Chloe didn’t want to reveal any more than she had.</p><p>“Yeah.” Chloe answered.  “But if Finn does show up tomorrow,” Chloe looked up at Rae, “I won’t leave.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Hopefully that’s Chloe sorted.  Now on to Finn. </em> </strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">Chapter 3</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>Tuesday 17<sup>th</sup> of December, 1996</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>Dear Diary,</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>I am in so much trouble.</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Rae and Chloe entered the chip shop and found Chop and Izzy sitting at their usual table, already sharing a plate of chips. </p>
<p>Chop stood up as soon as he saw them both, arms wide.“Raemundo! Chlo-bear!” He enveloped both of them in a hug at the same time, making them laugh.“You two are a sight for sore eyes, yeah?”</p>
<p>“What am I?” Izzy asked in mock-offence, shoving Chop over so she could also hug Rae and Chloe.</p>
<p>“You’re the only one for me.” Chop answered smoothly, earning a kiss from Izzy for his efforts.</p>
<p>They all sat down.“Where’s Arch and Finn?” Rae asked, looking around the shop.It was half empty, as usual, but noisy.</p>
<p>“Finn told me to tell you he’s picked up another shift so he’s not gonna make it here, but he’ll see you after.” Chop said. Rae’s shoulders sagged at the news.“Arch is—“</p>
<p>“Here.” Archie greeted, wrapping Chop in a headlock, making everyone else laugh as Chop jumped up and immediately reversed the headlock on his friend. </p>
<p>Izzy rolled her eyes at the boys’ antics.“I’m so happy you are both here,” She said.“This is practically the whole night every night.”</p>
<p>Chloe and Rae shared an amused look.“Sorry Izz.” Rae apologized though a laugh. </p>
<p>The gang made their way from the chip shop to the pub and found Danny behind the counter.</p>
<p>Rae walked up to him while the rest of the gang sat at a table by the jukebox.“Heya Danny, you all right?”</p>
<p>“Oh, hey Rae!” Danny greeted, grabbing a wet rag and wiping down the bar.</p>
<p>“Do…you..work here now?” Rae asked, leaning against the bar.</p>
<p>“Yes! I got to know the owner after I met you lot here that first time and I’ve been assigned the task of bussing the tables and keeping the bar clean and clear.If I can do that well, I may be able to start mixing drinks soon.”</p>
<p>“Aye that’s great Danny!” Rae congratulated him, patting him on the back. </p>
<p>“Thanks!” He spotted someone finishing their drink.“I better see to that.” Rae watched, bemused, as Danny made a beeline for the customer.</p>
<p>Rae took a seat next to Chloe who was chatting with Izzy about and caught the tail end the conversation.“….Friday?” Izzy asked.</p>
<p>“What’s Friday?”</p>
<p>“My parents are away for the week visiting my great aunt in London.She unfortunately isn’t doing well.” Izzy answered.</p>
<p>“Oh I’m sorry,” Rae said.</p>
<p>“Sorry Izz,” Chloe said at the same time.</p>
<p>“Thanks.I’ve really only met her twice so I’m not sure how I should feel about it,” She looked down, playing with the soda bottle in her hand, her sunny disposition faltering for only a moment, “but I’m telling you guys because Chop has organized another one of his famous ‘sexy’ parties.” Just like that, Izzy was back to her cheerful self.“This Friday at mine.Are you in?”</p>
<p>Rae looked to Chloe who hesitated. </p>
<p>Izzy saw the hesitation and grabbed Chloe’s hand in a desperate move to beg.“Come on Chlo!I’ll call your Mum myself and tell her that you’re just coming to mine for movies and a sleepover.”</p>
<p>“It could be fun,” Rae added, nudging Chloe’s shoulder from the other side.</p>
<p>“Fine,” Chloe caved and both Izzy and Rae cheered. Chop and Archie appeared with drinks for everyone, and then Archie moved toward the jukebox.</p>
<p>Chop kissed Izzy on the cheek and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.“Did you tell them about Friday?”</p>
<p>Izzy noted.“Yes.Both Chloe and Rae are in!”</p>
<p>“Nice!” Chop exclaimed, raising his pint to toast.“To Friday!”</p>
<p>“To Friday!” Everyone exclaimed, raising their glasses to cheer.</p>
<p>The afternoon was shaping up to be a pleasant one as round after round was served.Chloe was even starting to relax, much to Rae’s delight.Danny was vigilant in collecting empty glasses and would joke with the group as he came around.</p>
<p>Then the music changed.</p>
<p>The chords hit Rae’s ears and immediately transported her back in time.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’ve never known a girl like you before.</em>
</p>
<p>Suddenly she was back in Huffington, swaying slowly to the rhythm. Smoke slithered in the air around her and the room seemed to ebb and tilt every time she moved. Light danced around her eyes and she felt hands…hands roaming up and down her body.</p>
<p>Another sip of cider and then Chloe was moving toward her with a look in her eye that made Rae’s insides flutter.A mysterious smile played across her lips and Rae felt something switch on inside her when Chloe clasped her hands together.</p>
<p>
  <em>Now just like any song from days of yore.</em>
  
</p>
<p>Chloe was dancing so close Rae could smell her perfume…could smell the vodka on her breath.</p>
<p>Rae found herself moving with Chloe as she draped her arms across her shoulders, found herself pressing just a little closer as their foreheads touched.</p>
<p>
  <em>Feel you come a knocking, knocking on my door.</em>
</p>
<p>Then Chloe’s lips were pressed to hers.They felt so soft, so delicate, nothing like any of the boys she had kissed. She tasted like vodka and cranberry juice, sweet with just a hint of sour.She could hear hooting and cheers from the fellas that had surrounded them but couldn’t be bothered to care.Chloe’s tongue slid into her mouth and swirled around her own tongue, awakening a fire in her that burned down to her most sensitive parts.Just when she felt herself get lost Chloe pulled away.</p>
<p>
  <em>And I’ve never met a girl like you before.</em>
  
</p>
<p>She had to get out of there.<em><strong>Quick.Quick, quick before she sees what she’s done to you.</strong></em></p>
<p>“All right Rae?” Izzy asked, and Rae snapped back to reality.</p>
<p>“What?” She exhaled, suddenly out of breath.“Uh, yeah just,” She couldn’t think.“…just remembered something.”</p>
<p>“What?” Izzy asked.</p>
<p>Rae looked at Chloe and saw the color drain from her face.Chloe gulped visibly and tried to look anywhere else but at her best friend. </p>
<p>Izzy looked between them, her concern and puzzlement growing as the silence grew.</p>
<p>Rae broke first.“I, uh, have to go home.I’ll see ya later though, yeah? Tomorrow.”She stumbled over her words and out of her chair, barely registering Archie and Chop calling after her as she practically ran from the pub.</p>
<p>A chill blast of air swept across Rae’s face as she got outside, making her realize how hot her cheeks were burning from the memory.<strong><em>I kissed her.How could I have forgotten that I kissed her?I was so pissed that night…and Saul…I must’ve put it out of my mind.</em></strong></p>
<p>Rae was so preoccupied by her thoughts she didn’t hear her name being called until Chloe was almost right beside her.</p>
<p>“Rae, wait up!”</p>
<p>“H-hey.What’s up?” Rae stuttered, breathless.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” Chloe grabbed Rae’s wrist.“Maybe we should talk, yeah?”</p>
<p>“Talk?” Rae echoed, her chest heaving.<strong><em>Act normal.She’s just Chloe.Act like a NORMAL PERSON.</em></strong></p>
<p>‘Yeah.” Chloe answered again.‘I…” She looked around to make sure no one was in earshot.“I know why you left.”She stepped closer to Rae.“The song…that night.”</p>
<p>Rae couldn’t organize her thoughts.“I…”</p>
<p>“Rae.”</p>
<p>Both Chloe and Rae’s heads snapped in the direction of Rae’s name being called.</p>
<p>Finn was slowly jogging across the street, hands in his jean jacket pockets, a shy smile on his face. She didn’t know whether to kiss him or slap him for interrupting.Chloe dropped her grip on Rae’s wrist as soon as Finn reached them and took a step back.Finn leaned in to give Rae a kiss but paused when Rae didn’t move to meet him.He looked between the two girls, his brow furrowing.“Everything okay?”</p>
<p>Chloe crossed her arms over her chest and looked down.Rae nodded and plastered as much of a smile as she could muster on her face.“Yeah, yeah.I’m just…uh,” She looked down at the backpack in her hands, “going home.”</p>
<p>“What already?” Finn asked, unable to hide the disappointment in his voice.</p>
<p>“Yeah.I-um,’ Rae looked past Finn to Chloe who still hadn’t looked up.“I’m just feeling tired.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Finn said. “Let me walk you home then.”</p>
<p>Rae spared one last glance at Chloe before looking back toward Finn.She smiled again.“Yeah, sure.”</p>
<p>Finn’s mood brightened slightly, and he slipped his hand against hers to intertwine their fingers.He turned to Chloe, who still hadn’t looked up. </p>
<p>“Later Chlo.” Rae said, and finally Chloe met her gaze, an unreadable expression painted across her face.</p>
<p>“Later.”It almost sounded like a promise.</p>
<p>Then, Rae let Finn lead her away.</p>
<p>She was happy to let Finn go on about his job while they walked to her house.All she had to do was nod and hum every once in a while to make it seem like she was listening, but her head was still spinning. <strong><em>Her lips felt so soft.And she didn’t lunge at me like Finn or Liam did.She was so gentle.She turned you on so much.NO.Stop that.You were beyond drunk.A doorknob would’ve turned you on at that point. That’s not true though is it? Because Saul was there minutes later and he most certainly did NOT turn you on.He turned you off as far as the dial could turn.Ugh, pig.But Chloe…God, Chloe.You always knew she was sexy.All the boys always wanted her.Not Finn but…</em></strong></p>
<p>“…have you?”</p>
<p>“Huh?” Rae snapped to attention.</p>
<p>Finn laughed.“I said you haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” Rae’s face twisted with regret.“I’m just, kind of out of it.”</p>
<p>They turned down the walkway to Rae’s house, stopping just at the front door.Finn squeezed Rae’s hand lovingly.“Are you sure you’re all right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah.” Rae tried to assure him.“I’m just tired.”</p>
<p>Finn regarded her for a minute before gently pressing a kiss to her temple.“Then go in and get some rest, yeah?</p>
<p>Rae nodded, sending Finn a rueful smile as he started back down the driveway, giving her hand one last squeeze before he dropped it.“Bye.”</p>
<p>“Bye.” He said over his shoulder, and turned to head back down toward the pub.</p>
<p>Rae watched until he left and then went inside.She waved hello to Karim who was sitting in the living room, watching T.V., and paid a quick visit to her mother and sister who were sitting in their bedroom.Linda was rocking Jasmine to sleep in her chair so Rae gave her a very quiet, gentle peck on the cheek.</p>
<p>“All right, dear?” Linda whispered and Rae nodded before making her way to her bedroom.</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Why am I freaking out?It was just a kiss.Just one kiss with your best mate.It’s 1996; girls kiss all the time.You’re not a lesbian.You just had one amazing, hot, drunk kiss with your gorgeous, sexy, lovely, awesome best friend.Plus, HELLO, you have a boyfriend.An amazingly hot boyfriend who wants to do you every minute of every day.You don’t want Chloe.You want Finn.You’ve wanted Finn for the better part of a year.And you HAVE HIM.What are you doing?You are overthinking it.You are way overthinking it.It was just a kiss.Just a kiss.JUST. A. KISS.</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>Rae slammed her diary shut and ran a hand through her hair.</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>I am in so much trouble.</em>
  </b>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading!    Let me know how I did.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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